This is a really good discussion of the reasons and really resonated with me as a parent. Have you considered submitting this to PITT? I think it would be very useful to that audience.
This list is so thorough and so urgent; thank you from all the breaking hearts on the receiving end of this issue. You're the first other person I've seen articulate something I'm certain my white cis-het son subconsciously embraced in transitioning to a woman: the shedding of his "oppressor" role (caring, altruistic bleeding-heart though he was) in favor of manufactured "victimhood." Throw in a mix-and-match of the other reasons you've laid out, and what chance did my son, or any vulnerable youth have? You've created an invaluable resource; please disseminate it as widely as possible. Thank you.
I wanted to mention a few other reasons that might be at play:
1) Fear of expectations about sexual activity - especially girls may transition because they feel they are expected to participate in relationships they aren’t yet ready for
2) Not relating to sex stereotypes or role models. Especially with fictional characters - boys are typically main characters, more active, and more interesting, so girls may relate more to them.
3) Rejection of self - if their younger self was socially awkward and “uncool”, especially if they were bullied, this is a way to shed that self that they are ashamed of and reinvent themselves as someone more edgy and cool
4) Not feeling good at anything - kids who don’t have a skill or interest that gives them a positive identity may look for another way to stand out and find a sense of self
To your point 2 about not relating to sex stereotypes or role models, looking at how the media has addressed women through the entirety of the 20th and 21st centuries, it's very rare to find a female public figure who isn't performing femininity per the male gaze. I tried coming up with a list recently and ended up with Angela Merkel, Brittany Griner and a few other women's sports stars—just another reason that women's sports are worth investing in.
I’m guilty of one thing; buying my child smart phones and trusting her (she’s smart and a good person). I’m regretting not censoring or monitoring and now she’s almost an adult. I’m heartbroken and stressed every single day as we navigate this life with a TIK. We love on her as much as we can and pray unceasingly that she doesn’t go down this rabbit hole.
I don’t think parents should feel guilt over buying their children smart phones. We cannot go back - children today live in a digital age. They require laptops and an internet connection to study. It is impossible to censor and monitor information they receive.
I feel for deeply for your heartbreak. If it helps, many of us our fighting this and you are not alone. No more little ones down the rabbit hole. And if they go down that hole, we’re getting them back out.
I think this will be a great contribution for confused parents new to their child’s trans announcement. These various reasons can inform and allow for gentle and compassionate curiosity in conversation regarding their child’s distress.
Thank you for this! My son has been captured by this ideology. I appreciate the way you've written this. I really wish there were articles written like this that we could give to our trans young single adults that would give them pause before their hormones and surgeries. My 22 year old son is intending to start HRT soon, but claims he wants to be well informed. So many articles are written in a way that would cause him to dismiss it out of hand as soon as any "transphobic" word or phrase is brought up. Somehow we need articles that help them feel understood and then gently reveals the facts and harms surrounding "gender-affirming" care, so we can gently bring them back from the edge of the cliff.
I think we should be paying closer attention to the research stating that a majority of TIK kids will grow up to be LGB. Homophobia is still prevalent and in my view trans activists tend to be the worst.
I agree, it may be more desirable for some parents to have a trans kid than a gay kid. My parents would have chosen anything but a gay child so if they didn’t put me on that alternative pathway, my teachers likely would have. As you’ve stated, some children will choose to undergo medicalization because of religious beliefs and/or internalized homophobia.
For almost all homosexuals I know, including myself, we all suffered from “gender” confusion as children. How could we not? We knew we didn’t fit in and there was something different about us. Most of us were unable to figure it out as children or youth. Most of our parents (who were straight) didn’t see us and say “maybe I’ve got a gay child” and if they did, many tried to change us.
Some days I wonder if it would help straight parents who are not homophobic to ask the gays, do you think that is what is at play? And if so, why? We have always had a unique ability to find and see each other. We used to call it gaydar and laugh and we often look a little ones we see and say, yep, there’s one. Because in them, we see ourselves in them.
It’s a complex thing but I think you’ve nailed all the points.
I agree, neutral and good counselling and family engagement is essential. But for some of these kids, family may be a problem. Especially if they have been sexually abused by a family member, as I know some are. Or if the parents are deeply religious and do not accept a LGB child, then that needs to be addressed. Or if the parents have bought into Gender and/or Queer Theory and their children have been indoctrinated into believing they can change sex and everyone is convinced these decisions are not harmful and reversible. Education and awareness of the issues at play is essential before we can work towards better solutions.
Children can no more "consent" to have their healthy breasts and genitalia removed or take puberty blockers than they can "consent" to have sex with an adult. Similarly, parents and doctors can no more approve such permanent mutilation simply because a minor child desires it than they can approve their participation in pedophilia.Ultimately society will see the truth and ban the practice as we have banned female genital mutilation. Do people support that practice if the parents consent? I truly hope not. It is monstrous to believe otherwise and those who do will ultimately be held to account for their actions. The obscene (now happily fired) bureaucrat Rachel (Richard) Levine among those in the dock.
This is a really good discussion of the reasons and really resonated with me as a parent. Have you considered submitting this to PITT? I think it would be very useful to that audience.
It would.
This list is so thorough and so urgent; thank you from all the breaking hearts on the receiving end of this issue. You're the first other person I've seen articulate something I'm certain my white cis-het son subconsciously embraced in transitioning to a woman: the shedding of his "oppressor" role (caring, altruistic bleeding-heart though he was) in favor of manufactured "victimhood." Throw in a mix-and-match of the other reasons you've laid out, and what chance did my son, or any vulnerable youth have? You've created an invaluable resource; please disseminate it as widely as possible. Thank you.
I'm sorry you lost your son to this heartbreaking ideology. I hope my words can help others in some way.
I wanted to mention a few other reasons that might be at play:
1) Fear of expectations about sexual activity - especially girls may transition because they feel they are expected to participate in relationships they aren’t yet ready for
2) Not relating to sex stereotypes or role models. Especially with fictional characters - boys are typically main characters, more active, and more interesting, so girls may relate more to them.
3) Rejection of self - if their younger self was socially awkward and “uncool”, especially if they were bullied, this is a way to shed that self that they are ashamed of and reinvent themselves as someone more edgy and cool
4) Not feeling good at anything - kids who don’t have a skill or interest that gives them a positive identity may look for another way to stand out and find a sense of self
To your point 2 about not relating to sex stereotypes or role models, looking at how the media has addressed women through the entirety of the 20th and 21st centuries, it's very rare to find a female public figure who isn't performing femininity per the male gaze. I tried coming up with a list recently and ended up with Angela Merkel, Brittany Griner and a few other women's sports stars—just another reason that women's sports are worth investing in.
I love your list - the drive for status is responsible for a lot of the upper-middle class adolescents using edgy gender/sexual identifiers.
Some of these kids start as "Discord Trans", and then graduate to using these identities in real life.
Unfortunately the gender clinics either don't realize this, or pretend not to realize.
Every word of that is accurate. So much of it aligns with my experience as a parent of a very confused and captured daughter 😢
I’m guilty of one thing; buying my child smart phones and trusting her (she’s smart and a good person). I’m regretting not censoring or monitoring and now she’s almost an adult. I’m heartbroken and stressed every single day as we navigate this life with a TIK. We love on her as much as we can and pray unceasingly that she doesn’t go down this rabbit hole.
I pray she doesn't go down the rabbit hole.
I don’t think parents should feel guilt over buying their children smart phones. We cannot go back - children today live in a digital age. They require laptops and an internet connection to study. It is impossible to censor and monitor information they receive.
I feel for deeply for your heartbreak. If it helps, many of us our fighting this and you are not alone. No more little ones down the rabbit hole. And if they go down that hole, we’re getting them back out.
Thank you❤️
I think this will be a great contribution for confused parents new to their child’s trans announcement. These various reasons can inform and allow for gentle and compassionate curiosity in conversation regarding their child’s distress.
Spread the word.
Thank you for this! My son has been captured by this ideology. I appreciate the way you've written this. I really wish there were articles written like this that we could give to our trans young single adults that would give them pause before their hormones and surgeries. My 22 year old son is intending to start HRT soon, but claims he wants to be well informed. So many articles are written in a way that would cause him to dismiss it out of hand as soon as any "transphobic" word or phrase is brought up. Somehow we need articles that help them feel understood and then gently reveals the facts and harms surrounding "gender-affirming" care, so we can gently bring them back from the edge of the cliff.
Feel free to share this article.
A wonderful article! Thank you!
I agree with everything you’ve written.
I think we should be paying closer attention to the research stating that a majority of TIK kids will grow up to be LGB. Homophobia is still prevalent and in my view trans activists tend to be the worst.
I agree, it may be more desirable for some parents to have a trans kid than a gay kid. My parents would have chosen anything but a gay child so if they didn’t put me on that alternative pathway, my teachers likely would have. As you’ve stated, some children will choose to undergo medicalization because of religious beliefs and/or internalized homophobia.
For almost all homosexuals I know, including myself, we all suffered from “gender” confusion as children. How could we not? We knew we didn’t fit in and there was something different about us. Most of us were unable to figure it out as children or youth. Most of our parents (who were straight) didn’t see us and say “maybe I’ve got a gay child” and if they did, many tried to change us.
Some days I wonder if it would help straight parents who are not homophobic to ask the gays, do you think that is what is at play? And if so, why? We have always had a unique ability to find and see each other. We used to call it gaydar and laugh and we often look a little ones we see and say, yep, there’s one. Because in them, we see ourselves in them.
It’s a complex thing but I think you’ve nailed all the points.
Thank you. I am glad you found the essay of value.
You nailed it!
Absolutely not!!
Counseling and family involvement is essential!
I agree, neutral and good counselling and family engagement is essential. But for some of these kids, family may be a problem. Especially if they have been sexually abused by a family member, as I know some are. Or if the parents are deeply religious and do not accept a LGB child, then that needs to be addressed. Or if the parents have bought into Gender and/or Queer Theory and their children have been indoctrinated into believing they can change sex and everyone is convinced these decisions are not harmful and reversible. Education and awareness of the issues at play is essential before we can work towards better solutions.
Children can no more "consent" to have their healthy breasts and genitalia removed or take puberty blockers than they can "consent" to have sex with an adult. Similarly, parents and doctors can no more approve such permanent mutilation simply because a minor child desires it than they can approve their participation in pedophilia.Ultimately society will see the truth and ban the practice as we have banned female genital mutilation. Do people support that practice if the parents consent? I truly hope not. It is monstrous to believe otherwise and those who do will ultimately be held to account for their actions. The obscene (now happily fired) bureaucrat Rachel (Richard) Levine among those in the dock.
Yes, we need an accounting and reckoning.
It’s for attention
I think it’s a cry for help.
Thank you for this feedback. I have aimed for a brief, thought provoking overview.