Thank you for writing about this. It’s exactly what I share with friends and family— they are enabling our children and prolonging their dissociation from themselves and preventing proper care and healing of underlying trauma.
I love the thrust of this article, and I agree that affirmation is enabling.
However, any group of “recovering” trans should be careful to establish more universally applicable principles and processes than the 12 steps. Though anyone can benefit from steps 4-9, the necessity of the admission of powerlessness (step 1) and surrender to a higher power (step 3) - however vaguely defined - is still another departure from reality. And any recovery from medicalized transition should absolutely be grounded in reality and more universally applicable principles for healing and wellness. There are cult-like elements to 12-steps programs as well, even as they are immensely helpful in some cases.
Thank you for this article. I appreciate the blunt and sharp statements, including the following: "Enabling is not appropriate whether the situation involves an individual using drugs/alcohol or cross-hormones and body-modifying surgeries. Once one understands their role in enabling, they must stop."
The truth must be noticed and reflected upon; and then act in some beneficial way. Change the way you respond to a situation if you find that you have been enabling. Speak truth instead of affirming self-harm and false beliefs. And, of course, someone in great pain might not "hear" your true caring at first--or even for years.
YES. It is not "kind" to "affirm." Lying to your child about their sex is not helping. Pretending your daughter is now your son or vice versa is cruel, and can only lead to harm. It leads to body-hatred and body-rejection, feelings of unwellness and helplessness, the desire to deny reality and live a pretense, use of unhealthy things like binders and tuckers, and, later, use of chemicals and surgeries that make the body less healthy and less functional.
On the other hand, it is kind to tell your child that his or her body is fine the way it is, that he is a boy or she is a girl, and that he or she can do whatever his or her heart desires in terms of activities, hobbies, and later jobs and careers; ways of expressing himself/herself (through clothing, mannerisms, hairstyles, ways of speaking, etc.); choosing friends, and later choosing romantic partners - without the need to do harm to his or her body or lie about his or her sex.
This seems so obvious, but yet, millions of people are misguided on this most basic principle.
Well written. I hear how I’m not supportive of my son, when I really am. I just refuse to use the new name. For the most part, I have no attachment to his first name. But I all to well understand the underlying reason of trying to be someone else. I also can not use the new name because the translation means “truth”. Instead of a 12 step program, I would suggest a deprogramming program. These kids are in a cult. A new set of leaders have taken over with more $$$ than Money himself could ever had anticipated. The $$, the fast enablement of the internet and the medical history of the delusion has made for a perfect storm.
Simon Amaya Price (his channel on YouTube is same name) and Shane Cole (breathwork coach) are both young adult male detransitioners who have specifics about the lure of attention and lovebombing in trans cult when they started crossdressing. Shane is especially eloquent on the addictive nature of sissy hypnotic pornography. Giving bright young men now out of the cult a platform will help so many others.
I add that trans widows, the ex-wives who've witnessed the corruption of the therapy/charity complex, have a great deal to add regarding the polyamory and kink the therapy/charity complex foists on women when a husband "transitions." Their extremes of behavior must be exposed. The sole data in the world on trans cult through the eyes of trans widows can be found at Trans Widow Ute Heggen YouTube channel and substack, uteheggen.substack.com.
Lots to think about in your article & a sober reminder that not affirming & stating objective reality may not lead to a happy outcome. In my case it has led to loss & no contact. Communication becomes obsolete
It is the next big thing to hope & wish for, that detransitioning will grow & that the resources will be there for the difficult task of rehab & healing
Thank you for writing about this. It’s exactly what I share with friends and family— they are enabling our children and prolonging their dissociation from themselves and preventing proper care and healing of underlying trauma.
You are welcome. Now you have even more to share with friends and family!
I love the thrust of this article, and I agree that affirmation is enabling.
However, any group of “recovering” trans should be careful to establish more universally applicable principles and processes than the 12 steps. Though anyone can benefit from steps 4-9, the necessity of the admission of powerlessness (step 1) and surrender to a higher power (step 3) - however vaguely defined - is still another departure from reality. And any recovery from medicalized transition should absolutely be grounded in reality and more universally applicable principles for healing and wellness. There are cult-like elements to 12-steps programs as well, even as they are immensely helpful in some cases.
Thank you for this article. I appreciate the blunt and sharp statements, including the following: "Enabling is not appropriate whether the situation involves an individual using drugs/alcohol or cross-hormones and body-modifying surgeries. Once one understands their role in enabling, they must stop."
The truth must be noticed and reflected upon; and then act in some beneficial way. Change the way you respond to a situation if you find that you have been enabling. Speak truth instead of affirming self-harm and false beliefs. And, of course, someone in great pain might not "hear" your true caring at first--or even for years.
YES. It is not "kind" to "affirm." Lying to your child about their sex is not helping. Pretending your daughter is now your son or vice versa is cruel, and can only lead to harm. It leads to body-hatred and body-rejection, feelings of unwellness and helplessness, the desire to deny reality and live a pretense, use of unhealthy things like binders and tuckers, and, later, use of chemicals and surgeries that make the body less healthy and less functional.
On the other hand, it is kind to tell your child that his or her body is fine the way it is, that he is a boy or she is a girl, and that he or she can do whatever his or her heart desires in terms of activities, hobbies, and later jobs and careers; ways of expressing himself/herself (through clothing, mannerisms, hairstyles, ways of speaking, etc.); choosing friends, and later choosing romantic partners - without the need to do harm to his or her body or lie about his or her sex.
This seems so obvious, but yet, millions of people are misguided on this most basic principle.
Thank you for stating it so clearly.
And thank you for responding so clearly.
Well written. I hear how I’m not supportive of my son, when I really am. I just refuse to use the new name. For the most part, I have no attachment to his first name. But I all to well understand the underlying reason of trying to be someone else. I also can not use the new name because the translation means “truth”. Instead of a 12 step program, I would suggest a deprogramming program. These kids are in a cult. A new set of leaders have taken over with more $$$ than Money himself could ever had anticipated. The $$, the fast enablement of the internet and the medical history of the delusion has made for a perfect storm.
Yes, a deprogramming is needed by many kids and also adults who have been brainwashed and cheer it all on with no regard for underlying conditions.
Simon Amaya Price (his channel on YouTube is same name) and Shane Cole (breathwork coach) are both young adult male detransitioners who have specifics about the lure of attention and lovebombing in trans cult when they started crossdressing. Shane is especially eloquent on the addictive nature of sissy hypnotic pornography. Giving bright young men now out of the cult a platform will help so many others.
I add that trans widows, the ex-wives who've witnessed the corruption of the therapy/charity complex, have a great deal to add regarding the polyamory and kink the therapy/charity complex foists on women when a husband "transitions." Their extremes of behavior must be exposed. The sole data in the world on trans cult through the eyes of trans widows can be found at Trans Widow Ute Heggen YouTube channel and substack, uteheggen.substack.com.
Lots to think about in your article & a sober reminder that not affirming & stating objective reality may not lead to a happy outcome. In my case it has led to loss & no contact. Communication becomes obsolete
It is the next big thing to hope & wish for, that detransitioning will grow & that the resources will be there for the difficult task of rehab & healing
This is the most important piece on all of substack
Thank you for this wonderful, clear essay.
You are welcome. I am glad you found value in it.