Derogatory Name-Calling Aimed at Gender-Critical Parents

Photo by Slim Emcee on Unsplash

Who could have imagined that society would get to a place where loving parents are belittled and called names because they question practices that are harming their children? And yet, here we are. The belittling and name-calling aimed at parents who question gender ideology is getting out of hand, and thousands of us are on the receiving end of insults added to the challenges of navigating new identifications and behaviors in our homes.

Many parents of trans-identifying children do not feel favorably framed or supported in today’s world of gender ideology. I wrote about the devaluation of parents in a previous essay.

Here is how it often plays out for parents who suddenly find themselves with a trans-identifying kid.

First, the ideology takes over the vulnerable child, who may not have displayed any such tendencies until they were exposed to gender ideology in school, by peers or another family member, on social media, or by a combination of sources. Second, parents may not feel their child’s declaration that they are “trans” makes sense and are concerned that confusion, mental distress, trauma, autist trait influence, or other issues are being funneled into one answer and solution: the child was born wrong, and they need immediate access to drugs and surgeries to fix their bodies to look like the opposite sex. Third, some parents believe their child was born right and want their child left alone or given time to mature naturally with non-invasive care to address the root cause of their distress. And so they raise concerns or express disagreement with drugs and surgeries. These parents are frequently villainized and assaulted with name-calling by their own kids and others who are proponents of gender identity ideology.

I suspected that I was not alone in feeling alarmed about the increase in name-calling, so I queried other parents in parent support groups and forums to which I belong. I compiled the following list of derogatory names that parents have been called when they don’t affirm their child’s “trans” identification:

Transphobe

Bigot

Cissy bigot

Cis cunt

Homophobic

Unsupportive

Unsafe

Untrustworthy

Unloving

Heartless

Hateful

Intolerant

Disrespectful

Ignorant

Uneducated

Conservative

Far-right extremist

Fascist

Nazi

Evil

Oppressive

Genocidal

Narcissistic

Controlling

Worthless

TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminist)

Trash

Bitch

Egg/sperm donor

Child abuser

These names may come from our own kids who spew them in anger (likely repeating what they’ve heard or read), allies of our kids, and trans activists. Is it really “hateful” (or insert another adjective from the list) to wish to honor and protect our child’s natural body, unique personality, quirks, and non-stereotypical appearance and behaviors? Is it really unsupportive and unloving (or insert another descriptive word from the list) to balk at the gender industry that rushes our kids onto a medical “disassembly line” of their natural health and bodies? Does anyone else find this activist campaign that disparages parents with name-calling and bullying disturbing?

Many parents (and others) believe that the radical use of drugs, puberty blockers, and cross-sex hormones that make our kids medical patients for life and come with a host of adverse health effects should be the last resort. It makes sense first to address the underlying issues and provide treatment and potential help and healing in a natural, non-invasive manner. Many parents consider it barbaric to rush their kids into surgeries that remove healthy body parts and healthy reproductive organs, and we have a right to question if this treatment pathway follows the Hippocratic oath of medicine: “Do No Harm.” Trans activists have removed the safeguards such as therapy and/or waiting periods, and parents do not approve of that decision. After all, it’s our kids we’re talking about here, and we know and love them more than strangers do.

It is unacceptable for parents to be belittled, bullied, emotionally blackmailed, and pigeonholed into irreversible treatments and procedures for their children. It is not the sign of a sound, progressive movement when children are calling their parents vicious names, encouraged to alienate or discard them, and even declaring that “parents are the enemy.” We are not the enemy; we do not want our child to self-harm or be harmed by captured practitioners of gender “affirmation-only” medicine. Furthermore, parents are also frustrated because when we ask questions of our kids or those in gender medicine, instead of answering our questions, the providers divert our attention and change the subject. We have valid concerns! Please stop these evasion techniques.

Besides the name-calling, here is a list of other tactics that trans activists and trans enthusiasts deploy to try to break us:

Intimidate

Humiliate

Bully

Insult

Threaten

Scare

Exploit

Gaslight

Erase

Shame

Shun

Blame

Blacklist

Block

Cancel

Devalue

Demoralize

Undermine

Fire us from our employment

Take away our license in our profession

Rewrite our history

Mock our mourning

Our love for our children endures, even under these conditions. Note: I realize that people behave badly on the gender-critical side too. Sometimes, those who have experienced pain and physical harm from gender medicine lash out with words of contempt too. And others are just appalled by how far extreme views and agendas have gone. It is not appropriate to use slurs or bully tactics by those on either side of this controversy.

This essay only addresses the verbal abuse that parents and gender-critical people are experiencing. Another essay could feature the physical harassment, assaults, rape, and death threats that are also occurring. Why would an ideological movement, which calls itself progressive, behave in this way to those who disagree with it?

Of course, those who identify outside of sex-based stereotypes do not deserve wrath any more than parents do. The point of focus with this essay and most parents’ wishes is to be cautious when drastic, irreversible medicalization has been pushed, applauded, and normalized as good care for our children. When safeguards to protect our children are removed, as they are now, and parents are bullied into compliance or silence, we have entered into dangerous times.

Humanity has taken a dark turn. Examine gender ideology carefully. These tactics are not acceptable. Please do not encourage or participate in this activist strategy to break the spirit of concerned and questioning parents or those standing up for women’s rights, fairness in sports, and better care for our kids. Name-calling and bullying behavior lack maturity, sensibility, rationality, and kindness. Even if you are not in the arena of gender ideology, this treatment of parents should cause you to pause about the questionable virtues and characters of those who sling these names and fling these tactics at parents and gender-critical people.

Thank you for not participating in this egregious, insensitive, and sometimes cruel treatment of those who are devoting themselves to protecting children and vulnerable young adults.

Lisa Shultz advocates for parents and women’s rights and is deeply concerned about the harm being perpetrated on children and vulnerable adults.